Denial Archives - Page 15 of 19 - Long Term Care Insurance Expert | Honey Leveen

Caregiver Daughter is Exhausted, Angry

June 10, 2013 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Here’s the June 3, 2013 Dear Abby column. I hear variations of this same story almost every day. It’s a story of resentment, anger, and wasted dreams.

The family member needing care most likely chose to avoid having a conversation about responsible – and reasonable – long-term care planning when they were able to.

“DEAR ABBY: I took care of my grandmother until her death a few years ago, and now my mother is very sick. I feel angry because I’m only 23, and it seems all I have ever done is take care of sick people. I sit at the hospital sometimes just fuming.

Mom was a smoker and now she has cancer. I keep thinking if she hadn’t smoked, she wouldn’t be in this fix, and neither would I. I always visit her and try to do everything she asks of me, and yet I think I’m starting to hate her. I dread going to the hospital, sitting there and waiting for test results, etc. What kind of daughter has feelings like this? — WORST DAUGHTER ON EARTH

DEAR DAUGHTER: Please stop beating yourself up. Your feelings are normal. You have a right to be angry that your mother is sick. At 23, you have had an unusual amount of responsibility thrust upon you for someone your age. That her disease has taken over your life is also a reason to be angry.

However, please stop blaming her for her illness. Right now, you need each other. And nonsmokers get cancer, too. The American Cancer Society has support groups where family members can safely share their feelings. Please check them out.”

The 70 – 70 – 70 Problem

April 8, 2013 by Honey Leave a Comment

In a ground-breaking article in the Money Section of US News & World Report (Should Long-term Care Be an Entitlement?) March 25, 2013, Philip Moeller makes the familiar point that the older population that will need long-term care (LTC) is growing and that family members who have historically provided care are fewer in number and scattered all over the globe.

Visitors to this blog are familiar with the attempt to establish a national LTC insurance program (CLASS Act), which was abandoned because of the huge costs required to provide care for all seniors in need. The annual cost of LTC is currently estimated at $725 billion, $450 billion of which is in the form of unpaid care by loved ones. And 200 billion of the remaining 275 billion real dollars come from Medicaid, an entitlement rapidly approaching bankruptcy. Direct personal spending makes up almost all of the remaining $70+ billion, and a mere $7 billion comes from LTC insurance policies.

Bruce Chernof, one of the 15 members of the newly formed national committee to study the LTC crisis, cites a common shorthand for public thinking about long-term care, which he calls the “70-70-70” problem:

70 percent of the people over age 65 will need some of long-term care during their remaining lives.

70 percent of the public does not believe they will ever need such care.

70 percent of the public thinks that if they did need such care, it is already covered by their Medicare insurance. Medicare covers only acute short-term care needs, not long-term care.

This catchy slogan captures the “DENIAL” problem that I have written about extensively in this blog, and Mr. Chernof agrees with all LTC insurance professionals regarding the desperate need for educating the public on these statistics and the importance of reasonably priced LTC insurance. Each of us can educate the public every time we speak to a local group or association, write a blog or article, or make a one-to-one presentation to a prospective client.

Denial Pervades All Aspects of Life

April 1, 2013 by Honey Leave a Comment

Jim and I saw a wonderful film recently at the Jewish Film Festival in Houston, entitled The Flat.

After his German-born grandmother’s death, the filmmaker, his mother and the rest of his family must close her Tel Aviv flat. As the family dredges through grandmother’s belongings, the grandson discovers two five-, no make that ten-thousand-pound elephants in the room.

The first is that his grandparents were very friendly with a high-ranking Nazi and his wife before the war. After the war, perhaps as a gesture of wanting to regain normalcy, his grandparents actively resumed this friendship, and they apparently had no knowledge of the husband’s position in Hitler’s regime.

The grandson also discovers abundant evidence that his maternal great-grandmother was exterminated in a concentration camp. Not only was his mother never told about what happened to her grandmother, but she admitted that she never asked about about her grandmother, either.

The Flat is an award-winning film well worth Netflixing. Click here to see what Wikipedia says about it.

Why am I blogging about this? The family in the film was obviously in denial. Denial seems to be an inherent characteristic of human nature. Is it wise or healthy to live with the type of denial I describe above? No. Is it wise to disregard the facts and not plan responsibly for long-term care? No.

I advise readers to beware of the natural human tendency to avoid talking about the unpleasant aspects of reality. When it comes to avoidance of the harsh reality you might need expensive long-term care one day, this may be especially dangerous; I have seen the consequences too often.

Retirement Crisis Ahead for Boomers and Gen Xers as Many Keep Their Heads in the Sand

March 27, 2013 by Honey Leave a Comment

A new report released by the Employee Benefit Research Institute (ERBI) this month. Its title is “ERBI’s 2013 Retirment Confidence Survey: Perceived Savings Needs Outpace Reality for Many”

This new survey echos other surveys that have forecast a bleak picture for Americans planning to retire in the next decade or two. In particular, this new Retirement Confidence Survey (Employee Benefit Research Institute and Mathew Greenwald & Associates) found:

Only two-thirds of workers reported that they and/or their spouse have saved money for retirement, down from 75% in 2009, probably due to the depressed economy.
57% of workers have less than $25,000 saved, not including the value of their primary residence, and only 24% have savings of greater than $100,000.
Denial is not a river in Egypt – only 46% of respondents have even tried to figure out how much savings they will need to live comfortably in retirement!

Tragically, Americans will continue to experience a rude awakening as they begin their “golden years”, which might be more accurately labeled as their “desperate years.” And, of course, if they have not included long-term care insurance in their retirement planning, they may see what little they have saved for retirement disappear in less than a year if they need care!

Ignore Film’s Message at Your Peril

January 30, 2013 by Honey Leave a Comment

Amour is an award winning film that has received rave critical reviews.

Unfortunately, many of you who watch the trailer will be so uncomfortable with the subject matter that you will probably not want to see the film. Even more unfortunate (and frustrating to me), after seeing the film most viewers will still be unwilling to connect the film’s message to their own need for immediate LTC planning.

George, the husband and primary caregiver to Anne in the film, was in denial about the extent of Anne’s need for care for way too long. He refused to acknowledge how bad off she was, and that there was an urgent need for additional care. It’s very likely that one reason he chose to deny the extent of Anne’s need was financial.

Finally, additional caregivers are hired. But they appear to be there for only a few hours a day. Anne’s profound need for care was meticulously portrayed, and it soon became clear that she actually needed full-time care. Any professional in the care giving industry would have quickly recognized this. Again, why was more care not brought in? I believe it was due to George’s psychological denial of the severity of Anne’s condition, as well as the exorbitant cost.

Inevitably, George’s mental and physical health also declines from the stress of being Anne’s primary caregiver and having too little respite.

Of course, if Anne and George owned long-term care insurance, their LTCi policies would’ve been pumping loads of money to defray Anne’s care giving expenses. And perhaps the ultimate, inevitable tragedy would have been averted.

Back to the beginning. How do I know that people still cannot connect the dots between the tragic outcome of Amour and the need for immediate long-term care planning? I had conversations with three ladies in the ladies room afterwards, and when I mentioned that George and Anne would have benefited greatly from owning long-term care insurance, these ladies could not connect the dots. They admitted they did not own long-term care insurance, but dismissed my overtures to discuss why long-term care insurance ownership would have altered the film’s tragic outcome. People dwell in denial.

If you read my prior blog, featuring Steve Moses, you will gain a better understanding of my grave concern about how unprepared Americans are for their possible need of long-term care.

Request a Free, No-Obligation LTCi Quote

Caregiver Daughter is Exhausted, Angry

The 70 – 70 – 70 Problem

Denial Pervades All Aspects of Life

Retirement Crisis Ahead for Boomers and Gen Xers as Many Keep Their Heads in the Sand

Ignore Film’s Message at Your Peril

From My Blog

Podcast Illuminates LTC Need

LTCI is Magical at Time of Need!

Testimonials