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The Question Every Millenial/Gen X-er, etc. Should Be Asking Their Parents

December 24, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

The blog below was written by my good friend and long-time colleague, Phyllis Shelton. I’ve re-published it because I can’t possibly think of a way to say it better. Thank you, Phyllis!

Okay. You need a grownup question to ask your parents besides,

Can I borrow the car keys? Or Have you seen my car keys?
When am I going to get a car?
Can I get a raise on my allowance?
Can I have a toy, ice cream, ANYTHING?

You are WAY PAST those whiny ones. Your parents (or someone) generally raised you out of them. They took care of you, good, bad or indifferent childhood as you may have had. They sheltered you, fed you, sent you to school, and kept you from dying before today from all the crazy things you did as a kid.

Now it’s your turn. We don’t ever, ever, EVER want to think of our parents as getting old and needing our help.

I get it. But think you must.

With the pandemic and news shouting at you on every device that saving for retirement is going to be even harder now, is it even possible to consider that you might have to step up and help your parents

…at the peak of your career

…when you are sending your own kids to college?

…when you are trying to make (or repair) your marriage to be the best ever?

Fortunately, you don’t have to…if you ask The Question.

Mom/Dad, do you have long-term care insurance?

Then before they can react, add “I really appreciate everything you have done for me. I want to know you will be taken care of someday just as well as you have taken care of me.”

If the answer is “yes,” ask them to show you where the policy is in case you need to access it suddenly.

If the answer is “mind your own business,” you have to be firm with “This is my business. You are my parents and I owe you everything. I want to be there for you, but I will need the resources so I can quarterback your care. I’m concerned that I won’t be able to do it myself plus take care of [name your spouse, children].

Oh honey we would never expect you to do that.

Then give me two minutes to tell you what I have learned from TIME, Inc.

Most long-term care which is care lasting longer than 90 days is not in a nursing home.
Most people are never in a nursing home.
A spouse (partner) can’t do it all. Mom will want to, but we want her to have time with [name your kids]. She will need time to rest and when is the last time she picked you up?
Hiring caregivers in 20 years could easily cost $40/hr. That gets to be a couple of hundred thousand a year pretty fast.
Those country club assisted living facilities are projected to be a quarter of a million a year in 20 years…couples can stay together when they no longer want to keep up their house and they look nothing like nursing homes…
Health insurance and Medicare don’t pay for long-term care. After about three months, you are on your own…pay with your own money, pay with some type of long-term care insurance, or go on Medicaid, which means spending down most of your retirement savings.
Over half of people age 65 are expected to need some type of LTC in their lives…probably won’t be nursing home care, but home care can actually cost more than a nursing home, depending on how much you have. [Reference another family if you know one that has spent an inordinate amount of money today…like “you know Jamie had to hire round the clock caregivers for his dad for four years at over $200,000 a year and he just passed away a couple of years ago. I can’t imagine what they would pay 20 years from now.]
Today there are policies that have guaranteed premiums so you never have to worry about rate increases and can be paid off early so you don’t have to pay premium in retirement.
Policies like these return the money to a beneficiary if you never need care so it’s not the “use it or lose it” kind.
There are policies that pay a cash benefit so you can save money by hiring anyone you want to take care of you.
All those benefits are tax-free.
There are policies that you can buy with your IRA or 401(k) if that’s the best way and even those can be tax-free after a few years.
There are even policies that protect your assets from Medicaid if you ever had to go in that direction. What worries me about this is with this pandemic, state budgets are really slashed and it might be tough to get much help from Medicaid when you need it.

I love you Mom and Dad and I’m bringing this up because I want to be sure you are taken care of as well as you took care of me [and name your siblings]. You have to check on this stuff when your health is good so that’s why I’m bringing it up now. If I gave you a couple of websites to look at, would you do that for me?

The Senior Housing Glut: Signs of Increasing Denial

February 3, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Senior housing used to be a “sure bet” for investors. Their gamble was based on statistics that showed the Silver Tsunami of Baby Boomers turning 80 in the next 10 years. In anticipation of this aging population, investors rushed to back development of the housing units that would be required to meet the rising demands. And now they’re dealing with a lot of vacant properties causing a senior housing glut.

Mish Shedlock reports that this might be one of the biggest real estate miscalculations in recent memory.

What’s Behind the Senior Housing Glut?

There were double the number of new senior housing units built in 2018, compared to 2014. Senior housing units are expected to hit an all-time high in 2023. There’s now a large supply of this type of housing while occupancy rates are lower than expected.

My anecdotal observation is too many people fail to move into them as soon as they should.

Some experts think the vacant housing may be due to the improved ability we have to control the progression chronic illnesses.

There are seniors who just don’t want to live among a bunch of other old people. They may see it as a jinx. Others just feel depressed by the idea.

Technology is also a driving factor. Venture capital and other investment firms are expected to invest about $1 billion this year in “aging in place” technologies. That’s about double the spending from three years ago. As the Wall Street Journal reports, “Seniors would prefer to remain at home near families and friends than live among others their own age.” Advances in technologies help support those wishes.

Or at least create the perception that their care at home is comparable to the care they’d receive in housing designed for the care of its senior residents. My experience is that too many people postpone moving into these facilities, to their detriment.

That River of Denial

When long-term care is needed, no technology can replace warm, loving, human touch and the ready support of community and friends. At a time in life when you’re less mobile, or cognitively impaired, my opinion is home is often not the healthiest, safest place to be.

I personally believe that the desire to age at home has less to do with longer lifespans, better treatments, ageism, or technology. It has to do with the topic I most frequently write about: Denial.

I find that some people don’t want to admit they are in need or are approaching the time when they require more help. For example, elderly spouses, frail themselves, often choose to be primary caregivers, insisting “nothing’s wrong”. Denial often detracts from the dignified, graceful outcome that might have been possible.

Are you ready to plan for your best possible future? If so, click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi coverage. The life that is waiting for you might surprise you.

The High Cost of Avoidance and Denial

January 20, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Over the years, I’ve written multiple blogs posts about the importance of creating a solid long term care plan to address your late life wishes. Make the plan and share it with your family. And yet, time after time, I read horror stories about unnecessary suffering, neglect and even death because they never had “the conversation”. As if avoiding this important discussion gives them some artificial sense of control and safety. There is a cost of avoidance and it’s very high.

“I’d rather die than talk about this.”

The truth is that once chronic health problems arise, your ability to make good decisions often decreases. This is partly because your brain may have reduced cognitive powers. And also because making good choices becomes harder when you’re feeling panicked with fewer options. It’s really hard to see the big picture when it feels like your world is getting smaller.

Mr. & Mrs. Shaver Paid the Cost of Avoidance

As reported in the New York Times (Dec 2019), their love story is the thing movies are made of. A romantic courtship and a loving marriage of 60 years. Unfortunately, his wife starting showing signs of dementia. Even though his children encouraged hiring home care help, Mr. Shaver refused any discussion. “Mind your own business. I’m taking care of it.”

He had ample savings for their retirement, so we know the cost of hiring help was not the issue. As the sole caregiver to his wife, he was obviously aware of her declining state of mind. However, he was unwilling to make any move that would improve their environment.

It must have broken his heart to see the love of his life disappear from his life. She no longer recognized him or their daughters. One day, while she was asleep, her loving husband laid down in bed next to her and shot his wife. And then shot himself.

The Time to Plan is Now

I’ve been helping people create these plans for 30 years. One thing I’ve learned is that having such a plan in place provides a peace of mind and increases quality of living. Without the comfort of a strategy, the fear of aging only grows over the years. As you age, the concerns over injury (falling in the shower, tripping over furniture, dizziness from medications) can contribute to mounting fears.

Once the fear takes hold, it becomes harder to make clear and thoughtful decisions. I’ve done several blogs on age-related brain loss and cognitive decline.

For most of us, whether we’re middle class or more affluent, owning long term care insurance (LTCi) is critical for ensuring dignity, options, and access to quality long term care. But it’s not enough. You must have ongoing, difficult conversations with your family so everyone understands the outcome you desire.

Click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi coverage. Your family will thank you.

Preventing Dementia? Walk Away From Those Apps

December 3, 2019 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

There’s been a lot written about the value of “brain games” to help reduce the risks of dementia and other loss of cognitive sharpness. In today’s technology-centric world, we have spent almost $2 billion on various brain training apps in 2018. This is four times the amount spent 2012, so they are really gaining popularity.

But are they working?

The most recent research shows mixed results. Sarah Lenz Lock is executive director of the Global Council on Brain Health. A respected expert in her field, Lock cautions, “Cognitive training has shown some promise, but people shouldn’t expect it to be a magic bullet.”

In fact, studies are now recommending a diversified approach combining brain training, healthy diet and exercise.

Reducing Risks of Dementia – A Walk In the Park

According to the New York Times, the World Health Organization (WHO) released new data on reducing risks of dementia. They found that these brain training apps do not show significant, consistent or long term improvement over time. Their recommendation is to focus on moving your body for 150 minutes each week. That’s about 30 minutes a day, taking off for weekends. This is completely manageable, isn’t it?

They emphasize that this activity must begin before signs of cognitive decline appear. Remember: this is about prevention, not cure.

The mind-body connection isn’t new and the evidence continues to build. Research finds that physical activity promotes growth and maintenance of neurons in seniors. And the benefits are much higher for those who enjoy cardio-based exercise instead of simple stretching.

So step to it! And enjoy the benefits of your activity for years to come.

Before you step away from your computer, consider another useful tool for your long term planning. Of course, I’m talking about long term care insurance (LTCi). Affordable premiums today can create a world of difference in the level of care you receive in the future. Click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi coverage.

Happy Alzheimer’s Awareness Month!

November 16, 2019 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

November is Long Term Care Awareness Month as well as Alzheimer’s Awareness Month.

Many factors contribute to causing Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia. The video below is a brief interview with Drs. Dean and Ayesha Sherzai, pioneers in the area of dementia. They are renowned researchers that I’ve had the pleasure to meet. I’ve learned a great deal from their work and have great respect for their research.

In this 5 minute video, the Sherzais talk about the differences between good and bad stress. Bad stress can promote Alzheimer’s. It is caused by things by things like demanding, “no boundary” jobs that require us to stay constantly on call and “plugged in”. Other contributors to bad stress include toxic workplaces, financial stress and the push/pull between work and family obligations.

Alzheimer’s Awareness: Good Stress

There is also good stress that occurs when you stretch yourself by learning something new and challenging. Good stress can occur from things like a stimulating profession, a good crossword puzzle, taking piano lessons and being engaged with life, in general.

They explain how this good stress allows the brain to grow and build more connections. Depending on the activity, the brain could grow as many as 30,000 connections! That’s an invaluable benefit.

Here are a few tips Drs. Sherzai offer to manage stress:

Define Your Stress. Learn the difference between your positive and negative stress factors. And be specific! This means when you see a situation that you don’t like, identify exactly what part you don’t like. As a result, you’ll be able to zoom in on the negative and determine what you can do to resolve the challenge.
One Thing At a Time. Train your brain to focus on one specific item at a time. Meditation is an excellent way to build this focus.
Feed Your Brain. Your brain needs information to stay vital and healthy. Without new information, those brain connections begin to collapse. Play a musical instrument. Try creative writing. Take on a leadership role.

Here’s another video where they debunk the Top 5 Myths of Alzheimer’s Disease:

There are other factors that affect the onset of dementia, such as getting sufficient rest, exercise, and eating a mostly or all plant-based diet. Both of the Sherzais are vegans.

Drs. Sherzai are Co-Directors of the Alzheimer’s Prevention Program at Loma Linda University. They are published authors, speak widely.

Caring for Alzheimer’s Patients

While researchers are working hard to find a cure for Alzheimer’s disease, they still have a long road ahead. For now, it is important that we do our own research when it comes to the future care of our loved ones or ourselves.

A good long term care insurance (LTCi) policy can provide a significant piece of this puzzle, including peace of mind and financial relief for medical costs. Click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi coverage.

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