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The Question Every Millenial/Gen X-er, etc. Should Be Asking Their Parents

December 24, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

The blog below was written by my good friend and long-time colleague, Phyllis Shelton. I’ve re-published it because I can’t possibly think of a way to say it better. Thank you, Phyllis!

Okay. You need a grownup question to ask your parents besides,

Can I borrow the car keys? Or Have you seen my car keys?
When am I going to get a car?
Can I get a raise on my allowance?
Can I have a toy, ice cream, ANYTHING?

You are WAY PAST those whiny ones. Your parents (or someone) generally raised you out of them. They took care of you, good, bad or indifferent childhood as you may have had. They sheltered you, fed you, sent you to school, and kept you from dying before today from all the crazy things you did as a kid.

Now it’s your turn. We don’t ever, ever, EVER want to think of our parents as getting old and needing our help.

I get it. But think you must.

With the pandemic and news shouting at you on every device that saving for retirement is going to be even harder now, is it even possible to consider that you might have to step up and help your parents

…at the peak of your career

…when you are sending your own kids to college?

…when you are trying to make (or repair) your marriage to be the best ever?

Fortunately, you don’t have to…if you ask The Question.

Mom/Dad, do you have long-term care insurance?

Then before they can react, add “I really appreciate everything you have done for me. I want to know you will be taken care of someday just as well as you have taken care of me.”

If the answer is “yes,” ask them to show you where the policy is in case you need to access it suddenly.

If the answer is “mind your own business,” you have to be firm with “This is my business. You are my parents and I owe you everything. I want to be there for you, but I will need the resources so I can quarterback your care. I’m concerned that I won’t be able to do it myself plus take care of [name your spouse, children].

Oh honey we would never expect you to do that.

Then give me two minutes to tell you what I have learned from TIME, Inc.

Most long-term care which is care lasting longer than 90 days is not in a nursing home.
Most people are never in a nursing home.
A spouse (partner) can’t do it all. Mom will want to, but we want her to have time with [name your kids]. She will need time to rest and when is the last time she picked you up?
Hiring caregivers in 20 years could easily cost $40/hr. That gets to be a couple of hundred thousand a year pretty fast.
Those country club assisted living facilities are projected to be a quarter of a million a year in 20 years…couples can stay together when they no longer want to keep up their house and they look nothing like nursing homes…
Health insurance and Medicare don’t pay for long-term care. After about three months, you are on your own…pay with your own money, pay with some type of long-term care insurance, or go on Medicaid, which means spending down most of your retirement savings.
Over half of people age 65 are expected to need some type of LTC in their lives…probably won’t be nursing home care, but home care can actually cost more than a nursing home, depending on how much you have. [Reference another family if you know one that has spent an inordinate amount of money today…like “you know Jamie had to hire round the clock caregivers for his dad for four years at over $200,000 a year and he just passed away a couple of years ago. I can’t imagine what they would pay 20 years from now.]
Today there are policies that have guaranteed premiums so you never have to worry about rate increases and can be paid off early so you don’t have to pay premium in retirement.
Policies like these return the money to a beneficiary if you never need care so it’s not the “use it or lose it” kind.
There are policies that pay a cash benefit so you can save money by hiring anyone you want to take care of you.
All those benefits are tax-free.
There are policies that you can buy with your IRA or 401(k) if that’s the best way and even those can be tax-free after a few years.
There are even policies that protect your assets from Medicaid if you ever had to go in that direction. What worries me about this is with this pandemic, state budgets are really slashed and it might be tough to get much help from Medicaid when you need it.

I love you Mom and Dad and I’m bringing this up because I want to be sure you are taken care of as well as you took care of me [and name your siblings]. You have to check on this stuff when your health is good so that’s why I’m bringing it up now. If I gave you a couple of websites to look at, would you do that for me?

The Senior Housing Glut: Signs of Increasing Denial

February 3, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Senior housing used to be a “sure bet” for investors. Their gamble was based on statistics that showed the Silver Tsunami of Baby Boomers turning 80 in the next 10 years. In anticipation of this aging population, investors rushed to back development of the housing units that would be required to meet the rising demands. And now they’re dealing with a lot of vacant properties causing a senior housing glut.

Mish Shedlock reports that this might be one of the biggest real estate miscalculations in recent memory.

What’s Behind the Senior Housing Glut?

There were double the number of new senior housing units built in 2018, compared to 2014. Senior housing units are expected to hit an all-time high in 2023. There’s now a large supply of this type of housing while occupancy rates are lower than expected.

My anecdotal observation is too many people fail to move into them as soon as they should.

Some experts think the vacant housing may be due to the improved ability we have to control the progression chronic illnesses.

There are seniors who just don’t want to live among a bunch of other old people. They may see it as a jinx. Others just feel depressed by the idea.

Technology is also a driving factor. Venture capital and other investment firms are expected to invest about $1 billion this year in “aging in place” technologies. That’s about double the spending from three years ago. As the Wall Street Journal reports, “Seniors would prefer to remain at home near families and friends than live among others their own age.” Advances in technologies help support those wishes.

Or at least create the perception that their care at home is comparable to the care they’d receive in housing designed for the care of its senior residents. My experience is that too many people postpone moving into these facilities, to their detriment.

That River of Denial

When long-term care is needed, no technology can replace warm, loving, human touch and the ready support of community and friends. At a time in life when you’re less mobile, or cognitively impaired, my opinion is home is often not the healthiest, safest place to be.

I personally believe that the desire to age at home has less to do with longer lifespans, better treatments, ageism, or technology. It has to do with the topic I most frequently write about: Denial.

I find that some people don’t want to admit they are in need or are approaching the time when they require more help. For example, elderly spouses, frail themselves, often choose to be primary caregivers, insisting “nothing’s wrong”. Denial often detracts from the dignified, graceful outcome that might have been possible.

Are you ready to plan for your best possible future? If so, click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi coverage. The life that is waiting for you might surprise you.

The High Cost of Avoidance and Denial

January 20, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Over the years, I’ve written multiple blogs posts about the importance of creating a solid long term care plan to address your late life wishes. Make the plan and share it with your family. And yet, time after time, I read horror stories about unnecessary suffering, neglect and even death because they never had “the conversation”. As if avoiding this important discussion gives them some artificial sense of control and safety. There is a cost of avoidance and it’s very high.

“I’d rather die than talk about this.”

The truth is that once chronic health problems arise, your ability to make good decisions often decreases. This is partly because your brain may have reduced cognitive powers. And also because making good choices becomes harder when you’re feeling panicked with fewer options. It’s really hard to see the big picture when it feels like your world is getting smaller.

Mr. & Mrs. Shaver Paid the Cost of Avoidance

As reported in the New York Times (Dec 2019), their love story is the thing movies are made of. A romantic courtship and a loving marriage of 60 years. Unfortunately, his wife starting showing signs of dementia. Even though his children encouraged hiring home care help, Mr. Shaver refused any discussion. “Mind your own business. I’m taking care of it.”

He had ample savings for their retirement, so we know the cost of hiring help was not the issue. As the sole caregiver to his wife, he was obviously aware of her declining state of mind. However, he was unwilling to make any move that would improve their environment.

It must have broken his heart to see the love of his life disappear from his life. She no longer recognized him or their daughters. One day, while she was asleep, her loving husband laid down in bed next to her and shot his wife. And then shot himself.

The Time to Plan is Now

I’ve been helping people create these plans for 30 years. One thing I’ve learned is that having such a plan in place provides a peace of mind and increases quality of living. Without the comfort of a strategy, the fear of aging only grows over the years. As you age, the concerns over injury (falling in the shower, tripping over furniture, dizziness from medications) can contribute to mounting fears.

Once the fear takes hold, it becomes harder to make clear and thoughtful decisions. I’ve done several blogs on age-related brain loss and cognitive decline.

For most of us, whether we’re middle class or more affluent, owning long term care insurance (LTCi) is critical for ensuring dignity, options, and access to quality long term care. But it’s not enough. You must have ongoing, difficult conversations with your family so everyone understands the outcome you desire.

Click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi coverage. Your family will thank you.

Caring for Elder Orphans

October 8, 2019 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Care for ourselves or our parents is often provided by family members. In fact, 80% of home care is given by one or more members of the family. But what happens if there isn’t family available? No spouse, no children nearby (or none at all) — this is the world of Elder Orphans.

They may live full and active lives. But when it comes to making plans for this chapter of their lives, most of this growing population is dangerously unprepared. This is a tricky segment of people to even properly identify, so most reports are subjective. Still, this is still an important aging phenomenon that needs our attention.

Elder Orphans are Aging Alone

Let’s start by understanding how one becomes part of this growing category of seniors. For starters, understand that it can be totally voluntary. For example, a person may be happily single in their later years, thoroughly enjoying the freedom and privacy living alone affords them. Or they chose to build a life without children.

On the other hand, this may not be the life they originally signed up for. The death of a lifelong spouse or a divorce can leave someone surprisingly single when they need someone most. Even if they have children, they may live too far away to provide regular, consistent home care. Sometimes, parents are estranged from their kids.

As you can see, a variety of circumstances can lead to becoming an elder orphan. Regardless of how they got here, there are specific and unique challenges they’ll have to manage. And, like so many long term care issues, ignoring them doesn’t change the needs they create down the road.

Financial Insecurity and Health Concerns

There are a number of groups in Facebook that have sprung up in response to growing needs. The most popular one, Elder Orphans – Aging Alone, has over 9,000 members! The group serves as a resource for information to its members and also provides some emotional support.

The group conducted an informal survey, as reported by the Washington Post. Of the 500 people who responded, 70% revealed that they had not identified a person who could take care of them when they could no longer care for themselves.

Respondents shared some of their most pressing fears for their future:

25% worried about losing their housing
23% reported having at least one incident in the past year where they lacked enough money to cover basic needs
40% admitted to struggling with depression

The Power of Community

To prepare to be an elder orphan, you must establish a strong, supportive community, way in advance of need. You need to have brutally frank, explicit, frequent conversations with friends, family, and all fiduciaries about your wishes. My husband and I have taken this advice. We live in a Continuing Care Retirement Community, even though we’re both active and in great health. In addition to knowing each others wishes. Our fiduciaries know our wishes. We tell friends of our wishes.

As for the financial concerns… long term care expenses can be manageable and affordable, with the proper planning. The time for planning is Now. You don’t have to navigate your future alone. The resources you or your parents will need are well within your grasp.

When you’re ready to take that first step, click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own long term care insurance policy.

All the Single Ladies, All the Single Ladies… LTCi and Single Women

September 30, 2019 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

The need for long term care doesn’t think about your gender, your financial success or even your age. A life-changing medical crisis can barrel into your life when you least expect it, like an unexpected car accident. Or, it can sneak up on you, introducing subtle symptoms over time, barely noticeable. We see this, for example, with Alzheimer’s disease in people even in their 40s. What we do know is that single women are more in need for long term care insurance (LTCi) than others.

The Special Case for LTCi and Single Women

The two major factors driving the need of LTCi by women are longevity and caregiving.

It probably won’t surprise you to read that women live longer than men. More than two-thirds of Americans over the age of 85 are women. And 80% of centenarians are women. It’s no wonder most residents in nursing homes are women.

At the age of 75, almost 70% of women are single (widowed, divorced or never married). This means they typically live alone, without help with their daily tasks. And because of their historically lower earnings, single women at this age have significantly lower income from Social Security and other retirement plans.

Women are also more likely to be providing care for family members. 75% of people providing home care are women and typically a daughter caring for her mother. On average, she will devote 20 hours each week taking care of her mother. However, 1 in 6 caregivers will provide 40+ hours each week.

Older Women and Poverty

A report compiled by Justice in Aging last year found that out of the 7.1 million older adults that live in poverty, nearly two-thirds of them are women.

The report points to a number of issues that impact the incidence of poverty among women (You can click here to read the full report).

Wage Gap and Low Paying Jobs — 70% of workers earning $10/hour or less are women.
Caregiving — Caring for children and/or parents takes time away from paid employment.
Higher Health Care Costs — A 65-year old woman will spend $47,000 more in health care than a 65-year old man.
Domestic Violence — Affects physical and mental health, so it keeps women in poverty.
Wealth Gap — The Wage Gap reduces many women’s ability to accumulate wealth over their lifetimes.

If you are a woman, you are more likely to need medical care in your later years. Even if that care doesn’t begin until your 70s or 80s. If you have spent years taking care of parents and/or children, this is the time to start thinking about taking care of yourself.

Click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi policy.

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The Question Every Millenial/Gen X-er, etc. Should Be Asking Their Parents

Caring for Elder Orphans

Elder Orphans are Aging Alone

Financial Insecurity and Health Concerns

The Power of Community

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From My Blog

The Question Every Millenial/Gen X-er, etc. Should Be Asking Their Parents

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