Living in Denial Archives - Long Term Care Insurance Expert | Honey Leveen

There’s No Planning Without Communication

July 22, 2019 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Communication is one of the most important factors in any significant relationship, right? And yet it is usually absent or at least faulty when it comes to sharing important information about health and finances. Sometimes the parents hide information from their children or the kids keep details from their parents. Or spouses feel the need to protect one another from the truth of their declining health.

In a recent issue of the newsletter published by the Society of Actuaries, I read an article written by my friend and colleague, Eileen Tell. Tell is an academic and a researcher. Her article is based on findings from research she conducted for the Office of the Assistant Secretary of Planning and Evaluation (ASPE), part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

In the article, Tell summarizes observations from consumer focus groups conducted as part of that study, intended to better understand a family’s search process for long term care services. The findings of the study support the same experiences I observe among my own clients.

“A common theme heard in all the groups was the lack of awareness of the decline in either physical or cognitive health of their loved one until this acute episode occurred.” By shielding family members from important facts, most are caught by surprise when there is a sudden decline in their health.

In many cases, it takes a major event to trigger family involvement. A fall, sudden illness, a stroke, or the unexpected need for a new primary caregiver. Family members find themselves unprepared to manage the important decisions that require immediate answers.

Communication Has To Happen

George Bernard Shaw wrote, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” You may wish that it happened. You may even think you were clear. But until all parties have the details and understand the situation, there’s no way you can properly prepare.

The study groups reveal the same patterns I see with my clients:

A lack of awareness of the decline in their loved one, until an acute episode occurred.
Aging parents typically shield their adult children from the realities of their limitations.
Where mom or dad ultimately winds up receiving care is very much a function of finances.

Sometimes, family members begin to address the sensitive subject of long term care, only to be met with silence, half-answers or a complete change of subject. Especially when it came to talking about paying for that care.

This type of denial is so widespread, that I’ve written many dozens of blogs about it.

I will never understand why people elect to re-act, rather than pro-act. I’ve seen many people who could have afforded long term care insurance (LTCi), but they refused to consider it. As if the very conversation was more taboo than their actual future without plans. LTCi can help cover a lot of future costs. Some often include care coordinators, too.

For my clients, LTCi is often transformative, a game-changer. This makes my career career hugely satisfying.

It’s rare to find families who are composed, level-headed and functional when long term care is needed. One thing should be obvious, though. When someone buys LTCi, they are stacking the deck in their favor that their future will unfold in a more dignified, graceful, considerate and affordable lifestyle.

Click here to receive your free, no-obligation quote for your customized long term care policy.

Falling to Your Death

July 8, 2019 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Falls are the #1 cause of long term care need. They are typically a result of decreased body strength, balance issues, vision problems, home hazards or foot pain. Usually it’s a combination of two or more of these factors.

As we age, falls become more complicated to bounce back from. While most falls don’t lead to permanent injury, one out of five do result in serious injury, like broken bones which don’t heal as well or brain trauma.

Falling By the Numbers

In 2017, unintentional falls led to over 36,000 deaths in the US.
The National Council on Aging reports, “Every 11 seconds, an older adult is treated in the emergency room for a fall; every 19 minutes, an older adult dies from a fall.”
One in three adults over 50 years of age dies within 12 months of suffering a hip fracture.
For older adults, the risk of a hip fracture leading to death is 5 – 8 times higher. Death can occur as quickly as 3 months after suffering the fracture.

What’s Behind the Falls?

The National Council on Aging explains how preventable most of these accidental deaths are. So if we have the means to avoid the injuries, why are they continuing to happen more frequently?

In my experience, many fall-related deaths are caused because people fail to accept the fact that they need to slow down and/or need help in their simple, daily tasks. They shrug off stumbles or occasional falls as “part of getting old”. As their needs rise, they continue to deny their declining capacity. As if this denial of reality will postpone the worsening of their situation!

I see this in my new community at Shell Point Retirement Community and, I must admit, I expected my neighbors to be more in touch with the reality of their true needs. We live in an environment where the full spectrum of care is available and paid for. And that level of care is above average.

I have a neighbor who resists using her walker even though she admits to having great difficulty with her arthritis. She admits to her difficulties with opening jars and dressing herself because of her arthritis. And there are many similar examples of this “head in the sand” avoidance.

The simplest way to reduce falls is to be brutally honest about your actual need and circumstances, and then taking the appropriate action. People evidently have huge difficulty doing this.

Denial of the facts is something I’ve written about extensively. I understand that resisting the truth of our declining health is part of our survival instinct (or maybe just our ego?). It’s just a shame that so many intelligent people are unable to override this instinct more often.

In doing so, they may suffer the ultimate consequence.

Take the first step to proactively plan for your future care and well being. Click here to receive your free, no-obligation quote for long term care insurance.

Actress, Director Penny Marshall Also A Victim of Brain Loss

June 24, 2019 by Honey Leveen 1 Comment

I’ve been writing a lot lately on the devastating (and often silent) effects of Brain Loss that often strike in our later years. The Journals of Gerontology published the results of a study on age-related brain changes and how these changes can leave the subject vulnerable to financial exploitation. According to their findings, “Approximately 1 in 20 adults can be expected to experience some form of financial exploitation past the age of 60, an incidence rate eclipsing many age-related diseases.” This financial exploitation is a result of impaired financial judgment. Which brings us to the final years of the life of Penny Marshall.

Penny Marshall Was Unprotected

Beloved actress and director, Penny Marshall, died in 2018, from complications from diabetes. It is also known that she had a bout with lung cancer which ultimately metastasized in her brain. Fortunately, both the lung and brain cancer went into remission after 2 years of treatment.

In a recent interview, Anjelica Huston shared about her friendship with Marshall, describing the peculiar way the director spent her nights. “Her rooms were freezing. Like air-conditioned, way up. She stayed up all night, followed QVC for beanbag dolls and stuff. She had this collection of sports memorabilia. She had a sort of museum in her basement full of signed baseballs and Lakers shirts. I just couldn’t relate. And also, frankly, she took a lot of coke.”

It became too much for Huston and she stopped visiting her friend.

Who Will Watch Out For You?

Penny Marshall’s final years contains some indications of erratic spending habits and other unusual behavior. There were no controls in place to protect her from herself or to ensure that she was receiving the best possible medical care to properly manage her diabetes.

I will continue to beat the drum, reminding you how important it is to have a clear plan in place that provides for your care and protects your interests. It may be difficult to acknowledge your future need for assistance, but denying the liklihood doesn’t improve your odds. In fact, it actually increases your risk.

The time to make these plans is NOW, while you are still thinking clearly. Penny Marshall failed to plan and, by default, planned to fail.

Click here to receive your free no-obligation quote for long term care insurance coverage. It only takes a minute and can make all the difference!

Denial of the Facts Does Not Make Them Less True

October 10, 2018 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Resistance to planning for long term care and doubting that human activities have created global warming share some very interesting roots. What a revelation to me! Author Karie Marie Norgaard connected these dots in her book, Living in Denial.

In the book, Norgaard examines the thought processes behind those who choose to deny the existence of climate change. I read an essay by Andy Skuce in which he takes a deep dive into Norgaard’s research and understanding about Denial.

Types of Denial

The book divides denial into 3 categories:

Literal denial. This happens when people don’t trust the facts, even when overwhelmingly supported by objective and thorough scientific data. We often see this from “Climate Skeptics”.
Interpretive denial. This one gets slippery. It accepts the facts (climate change is real), but reinterprets the meaning so it doesn’t sound like a real threat. That removes their responsibility to make proactive changes, since it’s not a real problem.
Implicatory denial. In this case, the facts and the interpretations are generally accepted. But then, “the psychological, political or moral implications that conventionally follow” are discounted and ignored. Climate change is already too advanced for anyone to do anything about it, so I’m off the hook and don’t have to make hard choices.

Denying the Need for Long Term Care

If these thought processes sound familiar, these are exactly the same behaviors I’ve been writing about throughout my career as a Long Term Care Insurance Specialist. Let’s run through these again:

Literal denial. Not trusting the facts — No matter how many studies get funded, no matter how may reports get written. There are always going to be people who refuse to accept that they are probably going to need financial help to cover their future medical care.
Interpretive denial. Accepting the facts: Yes, we’re living longer. Yes, we’ll probably need help in our later years. BUT… we’ve always taken care of each other. Or our family is ready to step in to help. We’ll be fine.
Implicatory denial. I know, we’ve got some uncertain times ahead of us. BUT… ‘they’ say that there’s no real reliable coverage. Or it costs too much. What can I do at this point?

For almost 30 years I’ve had well-educated, affluent friends and acquaintances make excuses to avoid the conversation about reasonable, responsible long term care planning. Intellectually, these people know better. They are making sound decisions in other areas of their lives, but they refuse to accept the fact that after age 65, they might be one of the 70% of us are going to need some sort of long-term care.

Denial is not a river in Egypt and the first step is easy. Click here to receive your no-obligation quote on your own Long Term Care insurance plan.

Denial is a Curious Beast

December 15, 2014 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Refusal to plan for long-term care and refusal to believe manmade activities are creating global warming are caused by the same thing. What a revelation to me! A book called Living in Denial, by Kari Marie Norgaard examines the causes of climate change denial.

Here’s an essay about Dr. Norgaard’s book. I love the fact that her book defines the three different types of denial:

Literal denial. This is the outright refusal to believe the facts and to dispute the consensus science, and even to deny the existence of a scientific consensus. Many so-called “climate skeptics” fit into this category.
Interpretive denial. This involves not disputing the underlying reality, but using euphemisms and framing to distort meaning. An example of this kind of denial might be the Government of Alberta claiming that it is improving emissions intensity (emissions per barrel) from the oil sands, while absolute emissions of CO2 are increasing rapidly due to growing bitumen production.
Implicatory denial. Here, the facts are not denied or re-interpreted, but instead “the psychological, political or moral implications that conventionally follow” from those facts are denied or ignored. Implicatory deniers accept the reality of human-caused climate change, but they live their lives as if the problem was little to do with them. This variety of denial is the main focus of the book. Most of us who live at a high standard of living in developed countries are guilty to some degree of implicatory denial.

These are exactly the same denial behaviors I see all the time!

For 25 years I’ve had well-educated, affluent friends and acquaintances who like, respect, and trust me, make excuses to not talk with me about reasonable, responsible long-term care planning. Intellectually, these people know better. They are making sound decisions in other areas of their lives, but they refuse to accept the fact that after age 65, they might be one of the 70% of us are going to need some sort of long-term care.

There’s little about denial that makes sense to me.

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Denial of the Facts Does Not Make Them Less True

Types of Denial

Denying the Need for Long Term Care

Denial is a Curious Beast

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