Elephant in the Room Archives - Long Term Care Insurance Expert | Honey Leveen

The Question Every Millenial/Gen X-er, etc. Should Be Asking Their Parents

December 24, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

The blog below was written by my good friend and long-time colleague, Phyllis Shelton. I’ve re-published it because I can’t possibly think of a way to say it better. Thank you, Phyllis!

Okay. You need a grownup question to ask your parents besides,

Can I borrow the car keys? Or Have you seen my car keys?
When am I going to get a car?
Can I get a raise on my allowance?
Can I have a toy, ice cream, ANYTHING?

You are WAY PAST those whiny ones. Your parents (or someone) generally raised you out of them. They took care of you, good, bad or indifferent childhood as you may have had. They sheltered you, fed you, sent you to school, and kept you from dying before today from all the crazy things you did as a kid.

Now it’s your turn. We don’t ever, ever, EVER want to think of our parents as getting old and needing our help.

I get it. But think you must.

With the pandemic and news shouting at you on every device that saving for retirement is going to be even harder now, is it even possible to consider that you might have to step up and help your parents

…at the peak of your career

…when you are sending your own kids to college?

…when you are trying to make (or repair) your marriage to be the best ever?

Fortunately, you don’t have to…if you ask The Question.

Mom/Dad, do you have long-term care insurance?

Then before they can react, add “I really appreciate everything you have done for me. I want to know you will be taken care of someday just as well as you have taken care of me.”

If the answer is “yes,” ask them to show you where the policy is in case you need to access it suddenly.

If the answer is “mind your own business,” you have to be firm with “This is my business. You are my parents and I owe you everything. I want to be there for you, but I will need the resources so I can quarterback your care. I’m concerned that I won’t be able to do it myself plus take care of [name your spouse, children].

Oh honey we would never expect you to do that.

Then give me two minutes to tell you what I have learned from TIME, Inc.

Most long-term care which is care lasting longer than 90 days is not in a nursing home.
Most people are never in a nursing home.
A spouse (partner) can’t do it all. Mom will want to, but we want her to have time with [name your kids]. She will need time to rest and when is the last time she picked you up?
Hiring caregivers in 20 years could easily cost $40/hr. That gets to be a couple of hundred thousand a year pretty fast.
Those country club assisted living facilities are projected to be a quarter of a million a year in 20 years…couples can stay together when they no longer want to keep up their house and they look nothing like nursing homes…
Health insurance and Medicare don’t pay for long-term care. After about three months, you are on your own…pay with your own money, pay with some type of long-term care insurance, or go on Medicaid, which means spending down most of your retirement savings.
Over half of people age 65 are expected to need some type of LTC in their lives…probably won’t be nursing home care, but home care can actually cost more than a nursing home, depending on how much you have. [Reference another family if you know one that has spent an inordinate amount of money today…like “you know Jamie had to hire round the clock caregivers for his dad for four years at over $200,000 a year and he just passed away a couple of years ago. I can’t imagine what they would pay 20 years from now.]
Today there are policies that have guaranteed premiums so you never have to worry about rate increases and can be paid off early so you don’t have to pay premium in retirement.
Policies like these return the money to a beneficiary if you never need care so it’s not the “use it or lose it” kind.
There are policies that pay a cash benefit so you can save money by hiring anyone you want to take care of you.
All those benefits are tax-free.
There are policies that you can buy with your IRA or 401(k) if that’s the best way and even those can be tax-free after a few years.
There are even policies that protect your assets from Medicaid if you ever had to go in that direction. What worries me about this is with this pandemic, state budgets are really slashed and it might be tough to get much help from Medicaid when you need it.

I love you Mom and Dad and I’m bringing this up because I want to be sure you are taken care of as well as you took care of me [and name your siblings]. You have to check on this stuff when your health is good so that’s why I’m bringing it up now. If I gave you a couple of websites to look at, would you do that for me?

The Senior Housing Glut: Signs of Increasing Denial

February 3, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Senior housing used to be a “sure bet” for investors. Their gamble was based on statistics that showed the Silver Tsunami of Baby Boomers turning 80 in the next 10 years. In anticipation of this aging population, investors rushed to back development of the housing units that would be required to meet the rising demands. And now they’re dealing with a lot of vacant properties causing a senior housing glut.

Mish Shedlock reports that this might be one of the biggest real estate miscalculations in recent memory.

What’s Behind the Senior Housing Glut?

There were double the number of new senior housing units built in 2018, compared to 2014. Senior housing units are expected to hit an all-time high in 2023. There’s now a large supply of this type of housing while occupancy rates are lower than expected.

My anecdotal observation is too many people fail to move into them as soon as they should.

Some experts think the vacant housing may be due to the improved ability we have to control the progression chronic illnesses.

There are seniors who just don’t want to live among a bunch of other old people. They may see it as a jinx. Others just feel depressed by the idea.

Technology is also a driving factor. Venture capital and other investment firms are expected to invest about $1 billion this year in “aging in place” technologies. That’s about double the spending from three years ago. As the Wall Street Journal reports, “Seniors would prefer to remain at home near families and friends than live among others their own age.” Advances in technologies help support those wishes.

Or at least create the perception that their care at home is comparable to the care they’d receive in housing designed for the care of its senior residents. My experience is that too many people postpone moving into these facilities, to their detriment.

That River of Denial

When long-term care is needed, no technology can replace warm, loving, human touch and the ready support of community and friends. At a time in life when you’re less mobile, or cognitively impaired, my opinion is home is often not the healthiest, safest place to be.

I personally believe that the desire to age at home has less to do with longer lifespans, better treatments, ageism, or technology. It has to do with the topic I most frequently write about: Denial.

I find that some people don’t want to admit they are in need or are approaching the time when they require more help. For example, elderly spouses, frail themselves, often choose to be primary caregivers, insisting “nothing’s wrong”. Denial often detracts from the dignified, graceful outcome that might have been possible.

Are you ready to plan for your best possible future? If so, click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi coverage. The life that is waiting for you might surprise you.

The High Cost of Avoidance and Denial

January 20, 2020 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Over the years, I’ve written multiple blogs posts about the importance of creating a solid long term care plan to address your late life wishes. Make the plan and share it with your family. And yet, time after time, I read horror stories about unnecessary suffering, neglect and even death because they never had “the conversation”. As if avoiding this important discussion gives them some artificial sense of control and safety. There is a cost of avoidance and it’s very high.

“I’d rather die than talk about this.”

The truth is that once chronic health problems arise, your ability to make good decisions often decreases. This is partly because your brain may have reduced cognitive powers. And also because making good choices becomes harder when you’re feeling panicked with fewer options. It’s really hard to see the big picture when it feels like your world is getting smaller.

Mr. & Mrs. Shaver Paid the Cost of Avoidance

As reported in the New York Times (Dec 2019), their love story is the thing movies are made of. A romantic courtship and a loving marriage of 60 years. Unfortunately, his wife starting showing signs of dementia. Even though his children encouraged hiring home care help, Mr. Shaver refused any discussion. “Mind your own business. I’m taking care of it.”

He had ample savings for their retirement, so we know the cost of hiring help was not the issue. As the sole caregiver to his wife, he was obviously aware of her declining state of mind. However, he was unwilling to make any move that would improve their environment.

It must have broken his heart to see the love of his life disappear from his life. She no longer recognized him or their daughters. One day, while she was asleep, her loving husband laid down in bed next to her and shot his wife. And then shot himself.

The Time to Plan is Now

I’ve been helping people create these plans for 30 years. One thing I’ve learned is that having such a plan in place provides a peace of mind and increases quality of living. Without the comfort of a strategy, the fear of aging only grows over the years. As you age, the concerns over injury (falling in the shower, tripping over furniture, dizziness from medications) can contribute to mounting fears.

Once the fear takes hold, it becomes harder to make clear and thoughtful decisions. I’ve done several blogs on age-related brain loss and cognitive decline.

For most of us, whether we’re middle class or more affluent, owning long term care insurance (LTCi) is critical for ensuring dignity, options, and access to quality long term care. But it’s not enough. You must have ongoing, difficult conversations with your family so everyone understands the outcome you desire.

Click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi coverage. Your family will thank you.

LTC Insurance is Still Useful While Living in a CCRC

October 16, 2019 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

As a resident at Shell Point Retirement Community (SPRC), I have had a number of interesting, eye-opening conversations with my neighbors. Many of them believe that living in a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) is an opportunity stop paying for their long term care insurance (LTCi), now that their care is provided by the facility. On the contrary, there are plenty of reasons you’ll want to continue maintaining your LTC insurance in a CCRC.

Before you make this potentially dangerous decision for yourself or your parents, take a moment to review the following list of expenses that can by paid for by LTC insurance. Without the benefit of LTCi, these costs will be paid out-of-pocket by the resident or family.

1. Paying for Home Care

Sally’s mother lived in SPRC for 26 years. Although she needed care, her mother did not own long term care insurance (LTCi), since she believed the CCRC would cover the costs of her needs. Over the years, Sally’s mother was unwilling to accept the fact that her health was deteriorating and that she needed additional care. Ideally, she would have moved to the on-site assisted living facility or elected for home care. She would not admit this.

The majority of CCRC’s pay for assisted living or nursing home care, but they don’t pay for home care.

As you’ll hear in Sally’s video testimony below, her mother was unwilling to pay for home care, even though she could afford it. She wanted to preserve her estate for the benefit of her children. Her situation got so dangerous that Sally had to enlist intervention by a professional to “force” her mother into better care. Sally realizes now that the entire situation could have been avoided if her mother had been covered by a LTCi policy.

2. One More Story About Needing Home Care

When Hugh and his wife moved here to SPRC, they assumed that they no longer needed their LTC insurance in a CCRC, since the cost of assisted living and nursing care was included. So they stopped paying their monthly LTCi premiums and let their policies lapse.

In her last months, Hugh’s wife became extremely disabled, needing care above and beyond what the assisted living facility could legally provide. Hugh was advised to move his wife to the on-site nursing home so she could receive the care she needed.

While life in the assisted living center provides a cheery, home-like atmosphere, the nursing home is more sterile and institutional. Hugh just couldn’t bear moving his wife into the nursing home. So he chose to keep her in the assisted living facility and supplement her care with 24 hour a day caregivers.

Hugh had to pay for his wife’s caregivers out of his own pocket. As he shared his story with me, I told him about my work. He recognized how much he regretted giving up their long term care insurance. He knows that if they’d kept their policies active, the cost needed for his wife’s additional care would have been covered.

3. Visiting Your Hairdresser

We often see wheelchair or walker-bound residents in our beauty salons, restaurants, walkways, or swimming pool. These are typically assisted living residents. They’re accompanied by scrub-clad caregivers. The cost of this personalized care is paid out-of-pocket and can really add up over time. With proper planning, LTCi can often help pay for these costs.

4. Meals Aren’t Free

You had to eat before, and you continue to need to eat when you reside in an assisted living facility. Eating is not part of long term care. Your high quality care is paid by the CCRC, but meals are not included. In my community, for example, there is an additional charge of approximately $1,000/month to cover meals. LTCi can help pay for this.

5. Apartment Space

At our CCRC, if you live in a fairly small home, you’ll be assigned a smaller assisted living apartment. If, however, you want to upgrade and move into a larger apartment, LTC insurance can often pay for the additional cost of a larger assisted living apartment at the CCRC. That’s right! Your long term care insurance payments could help cover the extra charges for more spacious living or a better view.

6. The Unexpected Need for an Off-site Facility

Nancy’s husband was stricken with Lewy Body Dementia. If this sounds familiar, this is the same illness that actor Robin Williams suffered from. This form of dementia can damage thinking and alertness. Symptoms can include physical stiffness, hallucinations and even violence.

As a result of his condition, Nancy’s husband became physically violent and needed more care than SPRC could safely provide. Despite their best efforts, SPRC was unable to keep him on-site. Nancy was forced to find an off-site facility that could properly care for her husband. Those unexpected costs (paid without the benefit of LTCi coverage) nearly demolished her savings.

Hold On to Your LTCi

Moving to a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) does not mean it’s time to end your long term care insurance policy. In fact, this may be the time you most want that peace of mind.

Now is the time to start planning for your future needs. Click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own LTCi policy.

Caring for Elder Orphans

October 8, 2019 by Honey Leveen Leave a Comment

Care for ourselves or our parents is often provided by family members. In fact, 80% of home care is given by one or more members of the family. But what happens if there isn’t family available? No spouse, no children nearby (or none at all) — this is the world of Elder Orphans.

They may live full and active lives. But when it comes to making plans for this chapter of their lives, most of this growing population is dangerously unprepared. This is a tricky segment of people to even properly identify, so most reports are subjective. Still, this is still an important aging phenomenon that needs our attention.

Elder Orphans are Aging Alone

Let’s start by understanding how one becomes part of this growing category of seniors. For starters, understand that it can be totally voluntary. For example, a person may be happily single in their later years, thoroughly enjoying the freedom and privacy living alone affords them. Or they chose to build a life without children.

On the other hand, this may not be the life they originally signed up for. The death of a lifelong spouse or a divorce can leave someone surprisingly single when they need someone most. Even if they have children, they may live too far away to provide regular, consistent home care. Sometimes, parents are estranged from their kids.

As you can see, a variety of circumstances can lead to becoming an elder orphan. Regardless of how they got here, there are specific and unique challenges they’ll have to manage. And, like so many long term care issues, ignoring them doesn’t change the needs they create down the road.

Financial Insecurity and Health Concerns

There are a number of groups in Facebook that have sprung up in response to growing needs. The most popular one, Elder Orphans – Aging Alone, has over 9,000 members! The group serves as a resource for information to its members and also provides some emotional support.

The group conducted an informal survey, as reported by the Washington Post. Of the 500 people who responded, 70% revealed that they had not identified a person who could take care of them when they could no longer care for themselves.

Respondents shared some of their most pressing fears for their future:

25% worried about losing their housing
23% reported having at least one incident in the past year where they lacked enough money to cover basic needs
40% admitted to struggling with depression

The Power of Community

To prepare to be an elder orphan, you must establish a strong, supportive community, way in advance of need. You need to have brutally frank, explicit, frequent conversations with friends, family, and all fiduciaries about your wishes. My husband and I have taken this advice. We live in a Continuing Care Retirement Community, even though we’re both active and in great health. In addition to knowing each others wishes. Our fiduciaries know our wishes. We tell friends of our wishes.

As for the financial concerns… long term care expenses can be manageable and affordable, with the proper planning. The time for planning is Now. You don’t have to navigate your future alone. The resources you or your parents will need are well within your grasp.

When you’re ready to take that first step, click here to receive a free, no-obligation quote for your own long term care insurance policy.

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